Desperate Putz For Hire!

Good evening folks, Sketch reporting here and this post is pretty simple, in fact I can sum it up in one sentence.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WILL SOMEONE FUCKING HIRE ME?!?!

I'd end it there but that's pretty vague. Basically the job I have has went from suck to being on the borderland of desperation where knocking over a bank doesn't sound like a half bad idea. (I'm probably already on a watch list for Googling it several times for movie research. Sorry, "movie research.") I've been looking and looking and trying to offer my services out there for those interested so I'm using this as an option to because in New Hampshire, where I live, the things I'm offering don't really have such a high demand as I live in what could readily be described as the backwoods of Bumblefuck. Which is not to be confused with the next J.K. Rowling book, "Harry Potter and the Backwoods of Bumblefuck."
So in an effort to help expand I'm putting this up so hopefully I may get some scratch and not resort to chronic alcoholism. By the way, where is the mentality come from that all poor people drink? I don't drink because I'm poor, they're just alcoholics and happen to go broke after the fact 'cause drinking is an expensive habit. All I'm saying.

Pictures and examples of my work after the jump. Please contact at tsu.nothing@gmail.com

SERVICES OFFERED
Graphic Design
Video Editing
Visual Effects
Motion Graphics
Retail Work
General Lackey

EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND
Graduated Exeter High School in 2006
Graduated Seacoast School of Technology in 2006 with a certificate in Automotive

PROGRAMS/COMPUTER EXPERIENCE
4 years in Adobe Photoshop (have CS5 and a Wacom Graphire4 drawing tablet)
3 years in Adobe After Effects (have CS5)
1.5 years in Adobe Premiere (have CS5) and recently exploring 3D programs
Sparse knowledge of HTML code (very sparse) with room to learn and improve

PREVIOUS WORK HISTORY
SellMyTimeshareNow.com as a janitor for the summer, had to leave because of school
Spencer Gifts (yes, that store) as a sales associate/clerk from August/September 2006 to January 2009
Presently employed (barely) at Cumberland Farms as a sales associate/clerk/corporate monkey since July 2008

SPECIAL SKILLS
Colorful, caring and witty personality
Makes a mean chicken fried steak
Works well with others and maintains a professional environment
Takes very good pictures and has a fetish for widescreen

LINKS

deviantArt
MySpace
YouTube
Zazzle